Your Intended Message

How to deal with angry people and calm them down: Doug Noll

You can calm that angry person in 90 seconds or less

Treat anger as a normal emotional response that you can control

Episode 199 (Doug is based in California and this is a repeat of episode 117)

Why you need to listen to this episode now.

If you ever need to face angry people and want a better way to manage the situation, listen to this conversation to save the situation and relationship.

If you ever feel out of control from your own anger, examine this perspective to maintain your dignity while deescalating the situation.

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George Torok and special guest, Doug Knoll - an attorney turned peacemaker - explore the nuanced world of anger and its impact on both personal and professional environments. Focusing on de-escalation strategies and the key role of active listening, this podcast sheds light on how to manage one's emotions, particularly anger, in challenging situations.

Knoll provides a unique perspective on anger, viewing it as a response to boundary violations rather than labeling it as “good” or “bad”.

His de-escalation strategies have found success in the most unlikely of places, including maximum-security prisons, attesting to their effectiveness.

The takeaways from this episode can help leaders better understand their team's emotions, promote effective conflict resolution, and ensure a healthier, more empathetic workspace.

The podcast dives deep into the concept of triggers and their role in hijacking rationality, offering effective tactics to anticipate, understand, and respond to these emotional triggers.

The importance of self-awareness and self-regulation are highlighted, along with a novel approach to redirect the frustration caused by commonly-encountered triggers.

Transitioning into the more sensitive realm of emotional invalidation, the episode examines its harmful effects in personal and professional relationships.

The discussion is geared towards parents, teachers, team leaders, and anyone looking to foster emotional safety and create deeper, healthier relationships.

The importance of emotional validation is underpinned, coupled with practical techniques to effectively validate and address emotions.

Notably, this episode not only offers intellectual paths to managing anger but also guidance for those grappling with pervasive anger issues stemming from trauma.

Prepare to be drawn into a riveting conversation about controlling anger for personal growth and professional success as you tune into this podcast.

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About Doug Noll

Doug Noll is a lawyer-turned-peacemaker. In addition to his law degree, he has a Masters Degree in Peacemaking and Conflict Studies.  In 2000, he left a successful law practice as a civil trial lawyer to help people resolve conflicts without litigation or conflict.

Doug was born nearly blind, partially deaf, and with two clubbed feet. His disabilities were challenging to overcome….and he did

He’s a second-degree black belt and tai chi master, a certified ski instructor, an airplane and helicopter pilot, a white-water river rafter, and a jazz violinist.

Doug teaches people how to de-escalate angry people in 90 seconds or less. His fourth book, an Amazon bestseller, is called De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less. Doug has online video courses and provides workshops and coaching to individuals and organizations desiring to increase their emotional competency.

As a listener of Your Intended Message you are entitled to receive a free book, How to Listen Others into Existence.

Learn more Doug Noll here https://dougnoll.com/

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Seven Magic Words to Influence People: Tim David

The Magic Words to Motivate, Engage & Influence

Seven simple words to boost the power of your message

Episode 198 (Tim is based in Boston)

In this conversation with Tim David we explore:

• What we can learn from magicians about recognizing other's perspective
• Magic techniques to grab the attention of your audience
• What is it about magic that capture our imagination?
• How to connect with people
• How to leverage intended mistakes or flaws to appear more human
• How your subconscious brain reacts to these magic words
• Why you pick words that sound like their name
• The sin of being an irresponsible communicator
• The five ways to get the best results from saying thanks

About our Guest Tim David:

Tim is the author of several books, including, "Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind 7 Words that Motivate, Engage and Influence".

A CNN piece listed him as the 9th best motivational speaker in the world.

For 8 years, he was a professional magician touring and delivering up to 300 shows a year.

Learn more about his latest book here:

Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind 7 Words that Motivate, Engage and Influence

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Excerpts from this Conversation with Tim David:

The thing that magicians really focus on is the other person's perspective.

And if you think about it, a magician is going to practice for hours in front of a mirror so that we can see what you see, we're going to video record ourselves, we're going to hire coaches to sit in different seats of the theatre, so that we know exactly what each audience member is experiencing.

In fact, there's a phrase that magicians tell each other all the time when they're critiquing each other. And the phrase is, watch your angles.

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One of my speaking coaches said to me, I need you to pretend that half of your audience is blind, and half of your audience is deaf. That way you can cater your audio and you can cater your visual messages and treat each one independently.

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The seven words are yes, but if because, help, thanks, and a person's name, and a person's name.

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Boost your Face-to-face Networking: Will Kintish

Face to Face Networking is back and more important

How to get out and meet people in person

Episode 197 (Will is based in the UK)

In this conversation with Will Kintish, we explore:

• The three fears that people face when networking
• The myths and realities of face-to-face networking
• How to boost your self-confidence when attending an event
• How to go to an event with a friend for support
• Recognizing open versus closed groups
• How to introduce yourself to strangers
• Better ways to open the conversation
• How to build the relationships - the real purpose
• The importance of follow-up after the first meeting

About our guest, Will Kintish:

Will’s expertise and knowledge helps develop face-to face networking skills to ensure successful careers

The key to success in todays’ modern world is to be visible and proactive. Will gives you the tools to be able to do these.

Will is in his 60^th year of work and knows his subject matter is  as relevant today as it was when he started working

Learn more about his book: Business Networking: The Survival Guide

Excerpts from this conversation with Will Kintish:

People have got to know who you are, people have got to know what you do. And people need to know what is going on in the marketplace. And those are the three key reasons why we all need to be out there.

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if you're going to a networking event, people are there for the same reason you're there to meet other people.

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They're all everybody's there for the same reason. They're looking for what I call the aha moment, the light bulb moment, we are looking to going back to our friend Dale Carnegie, we are there to make friends and influence people.

Your program is called your intended message. And the message has to be you're just going to create new relationships, no selling whatever you do, don't go selling other than your personality. Simple as that.

And, for example, how do we get the show on the road? How do we get that first question out? I mean, the easiest people to join, even if you go with if you go on your own, George that person standing alone against the wall is the easiest person to approach.

You go up to them slowly, you smile at them, you look them in the eye and say "Hello there, please may I introduce myself?" I mean, what can be easier, or "Please may I join you?" Simple as that.

And then you start with that, and you introduce yourselves. Now it's at this moment, a lot of people get it wrong, right from the start. Because 90% of people admit it to me. I'm rubbish with names, I forget their name immediately.

And I say no, you don't forget their name. You didn't hear it good. You're not listening to names. When it comes to networking at relationship building is fundamental.

So if I go up to you, I am going to concentrate on the listening for your name. If you say it very, very quickly, George Torok.

And it's a noisy room and I don't hear, "Sorry, tell me again". you're never going to say to me, I've told you once, I'm not going to tell you again. You're never going people aren't ever going to say that.

But by making sure you get their name, you use their name a couple of times, and make sure it sticks. You're not going to remember everybody's name at the event.

But whilst I'm talking to you, George, I'm going to remember your name. Because what happens if my friend Mary comes over and I have to introduce you. And I've forgotten your name. That is very, very embarrassing.

And you're not going to feel good about me. Because I've forgotten your name. So I work very hard at remembering your name.

Now, maybe 20 minutes later, when I've gone off to meet other groups, I might have forgotten your name. But while you and I are in that conversation, your name is going to stick with me.

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Pause for Power: George Torok

Use the pause to emphasize your message when speaking

Solo show featuring George Torok 

Episode 196

In this show you will hear 10 reasons to make tactical use of the pause in your speaking

George Torok is known as the Speech Coach for Executives. He coaches executives to deliver more powerful and confidence presentations.

https://www.speechcoachforexecutives.com/

He trains professionals to deliver Superior Presentations.

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Excerpts from this episode about the pause:

Pause for Power: Why you need to become comfortable with silence!

Do you remember that cliché “Silence is Golden”?

There are times when you might appreciate some silence in your life. On the other hand, silence can feel disquieting, disturbing and anxiety ridden.

When you are speaking to an audience you might consider silence the enemy or the sign of a bad presentation.

Imagine that you get lost in your thoughts and stop speaking. You go silent and anguish while trying to recover and start speaking again.

You might even feel that any noise is preferable to silence. That’s when the umms and ahhs escape your lips.

Don’t panic. Consider the positive benefits of pauses in your presentation. Even an unplanned pause can be perceived as a positive light.

Imagine how you can improve the power of your presentation by inserting tactical pauses throughout the presentation. The ability to pause might be the most important technique that all speakers need to learn.

It might sound simple but like many simple lessons, it’s not easy.

It can be extremely difficult to pause when you are delivering a presentation. You might feel compelled to speak because you believe silence is the enemy. You perceive pausing as a sign of weakness. The reality is that silence could be your most powerful communication tool.

Perhaps you’re not convinced. That’s understandable. Consider these examples and reasons to pause during your presentation.

Let’s follow the advice from Simon Sinek and start with the why.

Listen to these 10 reasons to use the pause in your presentation.

 

Design Thinking for User Experience: Ben Sauer

How can you apply Design Thinking to your presentation?

What is the total experience of your audience?

Episode 195 (Ben is based in the UK)

In this conversation with Ben Sauer, we explore:

• How might design thinking apply to presentation design and delivery?
• How to think from the audience perspective?
• Why the details mater
• How to design your presentation on the wall with post-it notes
• Why design is more about "how it works" vs "how it looks"
• What is the empathy gap that you need to recognize

About our guest Ben Sauer:

Ben is a designer who helped designers present more effectively. He's since learn how to apply design thinking to presentation development and delivery. He is the author of the book, Death by Screens, How to Present High Stakes Digital Work,

Check out his book here.

https://bensauer.net/deathbyscreens/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Ben Sauer:

We're coming at communication from a different angle today from the concept of how designers think and what you've learned from that process and how you've translated that into better communication.

So let's start with how do designers think and how do they communicate?

That's a great question. Well, you know, I coached designers on how to communicate. So you know, they still have some ways to go.

What I would say about that is, they really like to think in depth about how something affects the audience or the users.

And so what I would suggest that other people can learn from designers is, if you can learn a bit about how they think it can really improve how you deliver your intended message. And then there's also the process.

So how do they go about crafting a message or a piece of communication? These are all skills, you know, we tend to think of design. When most people hear the word design, they think of it in the aesthetic sense.

But that's not really how most designers think they like to think about how something works, what the experiences that somebody is receiving at the other end.

And I believe Steve Jobs, I'm paraphrasing badly, but he said something like this, you know, design people think design is the surface, but actually it's how something works. Yeah. Hmm.

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So designers like to go into these details about what somebody is experiencing, whether it's the thing, the screen, as well as the voice and the story, the environment to you know, this is why we have this phrase called user experience design. So what is that person experiencing?

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I think there's a, there's effectively an empathy gap. That's what you're talking about, right?

Which is how does somebody with an idea about what should happen ie a designer, or somebody crafting a message, actually connect with the state of mind of the person who's going to receive it or use it?

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Your Linkedin Profile Might be Hurting You: Donna Serdula

What does your Linkedin profile say about you and your organization?

Using Linkedin to project your personal brand

Episode 194 (Donna is based in Pennsylvania)

In this conversation with Donna Serdula we explore:

• What can executive leader gain from enhancing their Linkedin Profile
• Why Linkedin is more than a job board
• Why leaders should help their employees enhance their profiles
• How to clarify the purpose of your Linkedin presence
• Is your profile current or ancient history?
• Who are you and what do you stand for?
• Why your profile must not look like a resume even if you are searching
• Why the company might help their staff look better on Linkedin

About our guest Donna Serdula:

Donna wrote a "For Dummies" book on the topic of Linkedin profiles. She started her business in 2009 and has since branded over 8,000 executives, entrepreneurs and professionals on Linkedin and beyond.

Review and upgrade your Linkedin profile by visiting

https://www.linkedin-makeover.com/order-today/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Donna Serdula:

The LinkedIn profile, it's not the resume. It's a digital introduction. It's a first impression, it is your manifesto.

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If you want to be a thought leader, if you really want to dominate the platform, you want to post more than less, but at the same time, you can truly engage with your network and get seen by posting once a week.

It's not so much the quantity as much as it's the quality.

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LinkedIn wants fresh profiles showing up active people, people who have something to say. So by making sure that your profile is up to date, it would be more apt to show up in the search results, versus one that hasn't been touched in six months, right.

When you think of it like that, it makes sense. Keep your profile fresh, you're going to do better in search results.

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How do you decide when you connect versus simply let them follow?

Oh, that's a great question because there is a difference right? connection versus a Follow Follow is one one way street. It's you saying, hey, I want to subscribe to that person's updates.

Whereas when you connect, it's saying, Hey, I know this person, I like I trust this person. And not only am I subscribing to them, but they're going to subscribe to me, and they're going to be in my network, they're grew to become first degree connections, and all of their connections are going to become second degree connections, and all of those connections, connections are going to become third degree connections.

So it really does extend your reach when you connect, when that's a good thing.

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Don't send that email yet: Grace Foster

How to write smarter emails

Writing is a learned skill

Episode 193 (Grace is based in Washington DC)

In this conversation with Grace Foster we explore:

• Why we need to learn how to write smarter emails
• The danger of emotional writing
• Checking your writing for tone
• Consider the New York Times test
• Recognizing our negative bias
• Why you don't want to "bury the lead"
• How to kick start the writing process
• Recognizing the difference between the terrible drafts and final edit

About our guest:

Grace Aldridge Foster is co-founder of Bold Type, a WBENC certified 100% women owned company that trains people how to write more effectively in the workplace.

Learn more about her company and services here 

https://www.boldtype.us/

Get the free guide to remove clutter from your writing

https://www.boldtype.us/clutterbust

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Excerpts from this conversation with Grace Foster:

Your writing speaks for you when you're not in the room. So you have to work harder to make sure that that your message is being received the way you intended it, because you aren't there to walk it back or to course correct.

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George, where do I start? I'll first say that I have a lot of sympathy for people writing emails, because we're all expected to do it. We write emails all day, every day, they are the cornerstone of workplace communication.

And yet no one actually has been taught how to write good emails, what happens is we just get into the workplace, and we start observing how other people do it. And we start emulating them.

Well, what happens if everyone who's already there is already writing terrible emails, you never sort of had a chance, right? So I just want to say there are a lot of people out there who are very smart, and actually very good writers, but who still write terrible emails.

And mostly it's because they've never been taught to do better. Things that I noticed are, of course, terrible subject lines, mostly people actually include subject lines these days, thankfully, gone are the days of kind of empty subject lines, because their spam filters, you know, latch on to those completely.

But a lot of times, folks are just way too vague in their subject lines. And I think one of the reasons for that is people forget one of the primary purposes of sending an email versus something else picking up the phone and calling for example, is that you have a record, your inbox is an archive, you can search your inbox looking for a particular conversation or message from someone.

But when you have a very vague subject line, it gets much more difficult to search for a particular email or particular conversation that you had previously. So it's not just that they're vague, which is a problem the first time you receive them that it becomes a problem also, if you want to find that email again later.

So that is certainly a common problem that I see. There. Also, too long. Emails are too long. They are too wordy. They're either too formal or not formal enough, right. The level of formality often doesn't fit the audience and the purpose of a particular message.

And something that we may talk about is that the frustration that I hear over and over from managers who engage in bold type to do email training is why don't my employees just know how to do it right. It's a judgement call.

All it's a judgement issue, you know, why don't they just understand why don't they just get that that email of a sent wasn't right. But that's a difficult thing to learn, it takes time.

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You should email like, your messages might end up on the front page of The New York Times because it's happened.

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How to address the Toxic Rock Star: Dotty Posto

Help the toxic star and save your team

"Does not play well with others"

Episode 192 (Dotty is based in Milwaukee)

In this conversation with Dotty Posto we explore:

• Why do some leaders get mean, and degrading?
• How to address this challenge with promising leaders
• Identifying the anger and frustration and how to redirect it
• Can we save this toxic person to become a true team supporter
• The process of diagnosing and correcting destructive behavior
• Looking for the balance in their life

About our guest Dotty Posto:

Dotty Posto helps CEOs and Senior Leaders ignite their stagnant culture to inspire their people to outstanding performance.

Dotty began her coaching and consulting business after working in Organizational Development for Fortune 500 companies such as The Chicago Tribune, Aon-Hewitt and Harley-Davidson Motor Company.

Dotty’s clients say, through their work with her, they’ve experienced new levels creativity,  effectiveness, and well-being...without the struggle they'd become accustomed to.  

Learn more about Dotty and her services at her website

https://inplainsightinc.com/

You can find a free Energy Assessment and the free videos for Leadership Development

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Excerpts from this conversation with Dotty Posto:

I've seen leaders really get mean, I've seen leaders get judgmental and degrading, and to me that has no place in the workplace.

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And that's what's making that action, whatever action is causing the  "does not play well with others" on my report card.

Some people call it a personality conflict, which I do not like that term. It is,, we are in such a brain state of reactivity, that something happens out there that we've seen or heard or experienced before, and it's triggering us and our amygdala is saying that our brain is saying you're not safe.

And it goes into fight, flight or freeze or there's also tend-to. befriend or fawn-on that some women do.

 A woman might go into people pleasing, might go into, oh, everything's great, everything's fine. And, and never challenge anyone, or someone might be in the fight, and really go into challenging others and, and being very defensive and angry and upset, and, and so there's these two sides of the spectrum that people can react to when they have those triggers.

And it's creating what I work with people to do is create that space of choice to be able to first realize that it isn't what's out there.

It's got nothing to do with what's out there. It's what's happening in here. And in here, what's going on in our body? What's going on with that anger, that frustration? And what are the thoughts that are sending me there from an anger, frustration perspective?

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I think there's a few things. When I first started working at Harley, one of my managers gave me three leadership principles.

And one of them was get curious. Before you get furious, I am a huge proponent of providing feedback. And if they see an escalating situation, it might even be get curious, ask a question.

Say, Hey, you seem to be getting upset. What's happening that's creating this frustration, help us understand why you're getting frustrated here.

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The Human Side of AI: Manuj Aggarwal

Is your business ready for AI? Are you?

Frankenstein technology or loyal servant?

Episode 191 (Manuj is based in Vancouver BC)

In this conversation with Manuj Aggarwal we explore:

• The promise and threat of Artificial Intelligence
• The possible impact of AI on your business success
• How AI can improve healthcare
• How to teach music to millions of students
• How you are already using AI almost every day
• And much more

About our guest Manuj Aggarawal:

He started as a $2/day factory worker. Now he is a global thought leader in Startups and AI who speaks in the boardrooms of Fortune 500 companies. 

President Obama and Bill Gates have praised his education technology.

You can follow or connect with him on Linkedin

https://www.linkedin.com/in/manujaggarwal/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Manuj Aggarwal:

Whatever AI learns it is based on the data that humans produce through their real actions in the world. AI then uses that data and says, Oh, okay, this is how humans behave.

So let me help them produce more data. So you know, it's a circle that we are in where technology and humans interact with each other to produce more and more data.

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And the idea here, again, is lthe repetitive tasks, which we have come to know as our job that can be offloaded to AI.

But what that will produce is more time for us to focus on more creative efforts, more efforts where we can really understand human needs for what people are looking for.

I was talking to a neurosurgeon, and they said that 80% of their time goes into administrative work, like entering data about the patient and things of that nature.

They imagine all that overhead is offloaded to AI, that will free up so much more time for the neuroscientists and physicians to focus on their patients.

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We are working with a corporation, where they are trying to manage a lot of complex infrastructure that they have deployed in the field. And in order to manage all that people are spending like 20 hours a week, in meetings, and spreadsheets and emails.

And that's not very good for productivity. So with automation, and the AI, we can bring it down to maybe a couple of hours of meeting a week, and you know, free up all that time for more growth oriented activities for the company.

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So we really need to start thinking about how AI can solve some real problems, which tend to fall in three categories, save some time, help us save some money, or find areas to make more money.

That's the definition of becoming more productive. Right now. We are not thinking deep enough. We are just trying to automate the existing flows that we have in our life. Of course, it will save money, but sometimes you also need to think whether we even need to do this step. And can we just eliminate it altogether

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Connect with your Customer: Chaya Glatt

Enter the mind of your prospects

Create and convey a stronger Brand message

Episode 190 (Chaya is based in New Jersey)

In this conversation with Chaya Glatt we explore:

• How to charge more for your services
• Why do we need to discover our brand DNA?
• What makes up our brand DNA?
• Convince with words or the images for impact
• Your thought process in creating an effective message
• How to target the right customer
• How to prove your claims of excellence

About out guest Chaya Glatt:

Chaya Glatt is a brand strategist, business name specialist and copywriter who helps high-performing businesses transform into big-league brands.

She's the creator of the MAD brand strategy formula and developer of Brand Authority, a training program for marketing creatives.

Review the online courses and free resources to boost your brand marketing...

https://chayaglatt.thrivecart.com/chaya-glatts-courses-and-guides/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Chaya Glatt:

The MAD formula - Market, Audience, DNA

When we talk about market, that's your competitors. What's already out there, what everybody else is already doing, then they're done that the audience is your audience who you're trying to sell to the DNA is who you are as a brand.

What makes you awesome, the areas where you've innovated the team that you've put together, that is sometimes one of your biggest uniques. So we dig down into all those things, and that's your brand DNA.

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Like the name of your podcast, your intended message is to tell the customer, why they should buy from you.

And when the customer hears, we've been around for 25 years, we have good service, we have a guarantee.

Those things are, one, something we hear from everybody else as well. It's very rare that a message like that is truly unique.

And two, those things are hard to believe they're not persuasive. Right? So you've been around for 25 years. So what maybe you've been doing a terrible job for 25 years. So why should I care?

We have good service, what does that even mean? Right? I want to know how that's going to change my life, how that's going to make a difference how that's going to solve a problem for me.

And the guarantee, okay, but I don't even care about your guarantee, because I don't know you, if I want your product. Once I know I want your product. If I hear there's a guarantee. That's cool.

That's the icing on the cake. Awesome, I have no reason to say no. But it doesn't make a difference to me yet, if I don't know that I want your product. And I think that's really like one of the biggest mistakes that brands may is just thinking that they can say whatever they want, and it doesn't need to really be met very meaningful at all.

And somehow their customer is going to get it that they are an industry leader that they are truly experienced, they are not going to get it because you haven't said anything meaningful to them.

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