Your Intended Message

Words to Influence people: Shelle Rose Charvet

Power Words to influence people

What can you say to get more of what you want

Episode 173 (Shelle is based in Hamilton, Canada)

This is a repeat of the popular episode #10 from Oct 2020

In this conversation with Shelle Rose Charvet we explore:

• Recognizing that others don't think like you do
• The danger of trying to dig your way out of a hole
• Understanding the difference between suggestion and command language
• How to find the people who are most likely to say yes to your offer
• Why you might want to people around you who think differently
• What's the difference between "away from " vs "towards" language
• The difference between value and interesting
• How to decode their language before you respond
• When do you choose between options, process, details
• Internal vs external modes of influence
• Why you might use the phrase "but it's up to you"

About our guest Shelle Rose Charvet:

She is an expert in Influencing and Persuasion  and author of Words that Change Minds.

Shelle works with organizations around the world and now remotely to help them understand what really motivates their clients.

When we recorded this interview she lived in Hamilton, Canada and spent time in Berlin. She speaks English, French, Spanish and is learning German.

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Excerpts from this conversation with Shelle Rose Charvet:

Well, the very first mistake that people make is that they unconsciously believe, like sometimes they are not aware of having this belief, they unconsciously believe that other people think the same way they do.

So, the mistake they make is they use the same strategy to convince other people that they used to convince themselves of something and then they are shocked and dismayed when other people do not just leap onto their bus and go wherever they want, what is wrong with those people, do not they get it.

Well, the issue is they need to get it in a way that is different than how I get it or how you get it and that is one of the very big mistakes.

 So, other people do not necessarily think like me. I cannot find it hard to believe.

I know, is not it? Are they weird, is there something wrong with them?

Did not they go to school, did not they learn anything? Clearly they must understand me.

And I am a logical person, why are not they?

So, how do we overcome that challenge? I suppose, the first thing we need to recognize is that they are not necessarily trying to be difficult. They just think differently and not necessarily wrong, just differently. So, how do we overcome that challenge?

So, this is what the book words that change minds is all about. We need to understand that people have different values and criteria for making decisions so what is important to me may not be important to them, like one of the ways I like to convince people is I tell them things are interesting.

Well, interesting is my word for valuable and worth looking at, would not it be great if you asked somebody, well how do something is worthwhile taking a look at?

So, George, let me ask you just for a minute, how do you know that something is worthwhile to take a look at.

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Stop your geek speak and help me understand: Gary Simonds

Don't try to impress me with big words

Speak so I understand you

Episode 172 (Gary is based in North Carolina)

In this conversation with Gary Simonds we explore:

• Recognizing the language of your profession and expertise
• The challenge that language creates for your patients, clients, colleagues
• Speaking to be clearly understood is not brain surgery
• How clear understanding builds trust
• How an analogy can help convey the message 
• The damage when we assume that we speak the same language
• How ego of an expert can interfere with clear communication
• Are you aware of how many different technical languages you speak?
• Why you need to check with your audience on their understanding
• The power of analogy, simile and clichés
• Why you need to be prepared for how you present the message

About our guest Gary Simonds:

Gary is a neurosurgeon who created and developed a university-level neurosurgery department and residency training program at Virginia Tech and the Carilion Clinic in Virginia.

He has written three non-fiction books and a a recently released novel, Death's Pale Flag, focusing on professional burnout and building personal resilience.

Learn more about his books at

https://garyrsimonds.com/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Gary Simonds:

And quite often, you know, people would be there nodding as if everybody understood you would leave the room and they go, what the heck did they just tell us?

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I think it also helps, after delivering your intended message to ask them specifically, what do you understand about what I've been telling you?

What do you understand about the problem right now or the issue right now. And you can be really shocked sometimes, because you may think I've just made it as clear as can be.

And they come back with something that is in no way close to what your message was. So then you're going to have to refine it and readdress it and repeat it.

And Gary, I can see that same a similar scenario playing out in a meeting room.

Perhaps the the president of the company, or maybe the VP of engineering has come in and explained a project or a problem. And simply believe that because they explained it for themselves that everyone in the room understands.

And perhaps that's a good time to go to the room and saying,

Who here would like to tell me what your understanding is of what I just said?

And if anyone's brave enough to go and say that, then that leader might find that they didn't get across their message? I absolutely thinks that you have to have been in those scenarios, haven't you, George?

Very much. So yes. And and there are times and I admit there were times when I was reluctant to speak up? Because I didn't want to be the only person that I thought who didn't understand.

And so you're not going to say I didn't understand, please explain it to me, because you're you're the junior guy. Right? And you don't want to be the one person with and yet you look around the room and you notice that nobody else is getting it.

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Sell More with a Story that Sizzles: Bruce Scheer

How can you inspire your buyers with the right narrative?

Why is it important for the leaders to get the stories straight

Episode 171 (Bruce is based in Seattle, Washington)

In this conversation with Bruce Scheer we explore:

• The dangers of radon acts and hence random results
• Is everyone on your team telling the same story?
• Why you need to identify the problem domain
• Clarifying the real target buyer - the bully with the juice
• Painting the picture of the big hairy problem
• Talking about the solution versus features and benefits
• How to remind the buyer that they might feel trapped
• Three traps that leaders need to avoid

About our guest Bruce Scheer:

His company has been on Delloite's fastest growing private companies 3 years in a row. He has won multiple b2b campaign of the year awards. His book achieved Amazon #1 Best Sell status across 5 categories.

Get your copy of his books here  https://inspireyourbuyers.com/books/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Bruce Scheer:

Just to recap on this whole thing, my brother, he sold me a boat that I didn't know I needed or wanted.

And I detested boats prior to that, thinking, you know, hey, they're polluting the world. And they're horrible. But you know, the first thing my brother did, he's not dumb. He targeted the right buyer, somebody that had money to buy that thing, but had a place to store it could maintain it.

You know, he knew more than I did. But he tired the he targeted the right buyer. And then from there, he helped spotlight that problem, that big hairy problem I had being stuck on an island, especially when an earthquake came and I'm in the pandemic, I'm already afraid and scared, I don't want to die and I want to protect my family. I need that boat.

That's enough of a reason that's a big problem that I needed to solve for. And he nailed that problem, name that problem and one word trapped. And then from there, once we had agreement there, then he moved forward then in remember, this is the next day where he started helping me paint a picture about, you know, this desired outcome that I was looking for.

He helped me envision that you know, talking about the fun, I'd have some adventure cruising around on a boat and then a happy wife. Very important, George, you know, we've been married 32 years and I don't want to break that track record. So her happiness is a key feature in my my happy life.

Then he took me to the solution. And he didn't sell me on a bunch of features, functions and benefits. And I normally see that mistake all the time. I didn't care. I all I cared about was not being trapped and having some fun and adventure with my wife and a happy wife.

So he sold me on the concept of boating effectively. And then all he did is let me know that hey, what he had to offer my dad's boat fit within there and what's going to help me and then he just laid out these clear next steps.

Of course I'm on my second boat now and I've been very close to getting the third but he got me on way, he all he exposed that unconsidered need that I had, in a way that...

he really planted that big problem and just took me all the way through and helped me with that buyer journey that set up next steps.

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How will AI Affect Story Telling? Richard Rosser

What does a filmmaker and master storyteller say about AI?

How might you use AI to help you tell your stories?

Episode 170 (Richard is based in Los Angeles)

In this conversation with Richard Rosser we explore:

• Communicating through story telling
• How can AI be use to enhance your stories?
• How AI is similar to the Gutenberg Press
• AI doesn't replace you because you need to separate the gems from the crap
• Effective use of AI means we need to ask better questions (prompts)
• AI is simply another tool
• How to use AI with your marketing plan
• The importance of personalizing the AI responses
• How to use AI to speak the language of your audience
• What is Narrative Transport and how can you use it?

About our guest Richard Rosser:

Richard is a filmmaker and master storyteller. He worked on the hit TV shows: Gray's Anatomy, Chicago Med, This is Us and 24.

He is the author of "ChatGTP Simplified". 

To learn more and get you copy of this book visit  https://aiexplained.ai/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Richard Rosser:

The exciting part is the ability to create things that again, that we never conceptualize that we never thought of.

If we go back in past, George, let's go back way into the past to the 1450s. And imagine that we are storytellers in the oral tradition. Right so I may be a bard, you're a you're a minstrel we have a friend of ours is a is a court jester. And we tell stories or we sing stories, or we regale stories to the masses.

And all of a sudden, there's this new technology, the Gutenberg Press has just been invented. And there's this new technology, the printing press, and this new technology called books, that people won't need to hear stories anymore. They can just simply read them.

Well imagine the anxiety that all of those performers in those in those oral storytellers went through at that point in time about this new technology books that was going to put them out of business and replace them.

We'll think about now, how many ever years later, 600 years later, and now, how many people make their living as actors stand up comedians, singer, songwriters, performers, artists, there are so many ways of expressing ourselves other than just the written word, and a lot of those folks perform and perform in the oral tradition.

And so, to me, this is sort of a sea change moment again, just like the printing press, AI It is going to usher in a new, a new time that we as creators can use a new technology just similar to the internet and, and create amazing things.

And so so the folks who really embrace this technology and work to understand it, and how they can implement it can really benefit from it

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And I get this excitement that bubbles up. And we can dive in a little bit more detail about that. But but as a storyteller, I love the creative process and the technology that can help me and you know, the folks that I work with amplify that creativity.

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Permission to Brag about Yourself: Lisa Bragg

How to promote your success without feeling guilty

You can be proud of your achievements

Episode 169 (Lisa is based in Toronto, Canada)

In this conversation with Lisa Bragg we explore:

• Why your success story can help others succeed
• Change the conversation from failure to talking about success
• Self promotion is self love
• Why did bragging get such a bad rap
• How bragging energizes you and moves you to more success
• How a culture of sharing success stories strengthens your team
• Don't make people feel like hidden gems
• The myths that holds people back
• You don't need to be loud and bombastic
• You can be a team player when you say "my contribution"
• What if people don't like to hear your success story
• Why start a brag book or smile file

About our guest Lisa Bragg:

Lisa is the author of the Bragging Rights: How to Talk about Your Work Using Purposeful Self-Promotion

After a career as a journalist, she has been an entrepreneur for more than 16 years.

You can find the book at all major retailers.

Learn more about Lisa Bragg and her services at

https://www.lisabragg.com/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Lisa Bragg:

Delighted to be talking with you today, in particular about your book Bragging Rights. Partly because bragging when I was a kid, it was a bad word,

George, it's such a taboo topic. It really is. And that's why I really want us to start talking about it. Because, you know, we are products of where we've come from. So a lot of us, you know, our parents, it's the factory era.

So they were taught to put your head down, do good work, and eventually someone will notice you. They've passed that on to us. But it's comes from the factory era where we were cogs in a machine. Before that, we wanted to just get a steady paycheck.

But now I'm going to just quickly Fast Forward us. We're now in the information and imagination era. And we all know we compete and collaborate globally. So we need to shift the mindset of what bragging and self promotion is to what it really needs to be.

And I'll get out right off the top for our audience and for everyone. Bragging means to talk about your success with pride. And pride means self love, and I believe we all need more of that self love. But we get it confused with self aggrandizement.

I think it's because self aggrandizement is one of those mouthful words. It's a big word. So and that means that's the puffery that that achiness that we think is bragging, that's the oh, I'm better than you kind of attitude, which is not bragging, bragging is really talking about your success.

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Talk from a scar, not a wound, when you're telling your stories, it shouldn't be something that you're writing right now and emotionally draining to you.

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Your Body Talks About You: Richard Newman

The mysteries, myths and magic of non-verbal communication

How to better read and convey body language

Episode 168 (Richard is based near London in the UK)

In this conversation with Richard Newman:

• Why your words alone might not convey emotion
• Sending congruent messages from verbal and non-verbal channels
• The mistakes we make when we only hear the words
• Body language and tone of voice presents the palate
• The three minds that evaluate the message -survival emotional, logical
• Why you need to see and hear beyond the words
• How do we evaluate the truth
• Why the CEO and CFO need to align their body language with the words
• How to read body language in context and from clusters

About our guest Richard Newman:

Richard is the Founder of Body Talk. Over the past 23 years his team have trained over 120,000 business leaders around the world, to improve their communication and impact, including one client who gained over $1 Billion in new business in just one year, using the strategies that Richard teaches. 

Richard’s research on non-verbal communication was published in the Journal of Psychology. His study proved that you can increase your leadership ratings by 44% and win 59% more votes in an election by changing a few simple behaviors.

Richard’s new book ‘Lift Your Impact’ explores how you can ‘Transform your mindset, influence and future, to elevate your work, team and life’.

Learn more about Richard and his services at the website

https://ukbodytalk.com/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Richard Newman:

Do we use body language as an indicator of emotion or an indicator of truth versus untruth?

Yeah, so I think a palette of emotions the great way to explain this and I should say that, I love words, I'm passionate about words. I've written a couple of books. I was very proud to win a speech writing award and going back a few years ago.

And so words can be extraordinarily valuable. But then you got to think about if you are with people, then your body language and your tone of voice is there as the palette that brings this to life and though you don't want to just have a grey Canvas, you need to express it, you need to express what that message really means.

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I was terrified to stand up and speak in class, because I just didn't have any confidence around communication. And now I was onstage teaching in front of 1000s of people and enjoying it not just teaching but teaching communication.

And so it's one of those things that you can learn. And if you think about it a little bit like this, you know, it's worthwhile learning lessons where if you approach tennis the same way as as body language, if you think well, you're just a natural or you're not then imagine any of the great tennis players who's doing well at the moment like Novak Djokovic.

If you imagine when he was five years old, his parents said to him, oh, there's a tennis court over there. Just go and be yourself just be natural, you'd be a terrible player, he wouldn't have any idea how to play the game, you wouldn't be a champion.

But instead what happened is he had lessons around forehand backhand serve volley and everything else around the game. And then he built that up in his own way, his own method, his own style, too, as his own personality on the court.

The same goes with body language is that you can start to learn what the principles are. And the important thing around that is that you make them your own.

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Facilitate and Lead Productive Meetings: Mark Ellwood

Stop wasting time in painful meetings and make them more productive

Meetings can be useful when you prepare for the real purpose

Episode 167 (Mark is based in Toronto, Canada)

In this conversation with Mark Ellwood we explore:

• How to protect ourselves from painful meetings
• Clarifying and communicating the purpose of your meeting
• How might we train for effective meetings
• When the meeting is finished, how will you know if it was a success
• Why everyone is responsible for the meeting out come
• How to facilitate a planning meeting
• How to leverage meeting icebreakers
• How to harvest the diverse ideas while focusing the discussion
• Managing conflicting viewpoints without trying to convince
• Key questions to advance the conversation
• Managing facts versus feelings

About our guest Mark Ellwood:

Mark helps organizations develop their strategic plan. He serves as facilitator, trainer, team builder and time study consultant.

He is an inventor, a poet and a keen puzzle solver.

Learn more about Mark and his services at

https://getmoredone.com/

https://terrificteams.com/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Mark Ellwood:

Mark, we're going to take a look at what some people hate about business, and how to make it better. And that thing we hate is called meetings. Where do you come across a meeting? Should we have more meetings, Less Meeting shorter meetings, longer meetings? What the heck can we do at these meetings,

We should have effective meetings, you know, you mentioned my sports. In the beginning, I was thinking about my son, who trains incredibly hard to, you know, rowing regatta and rowing races, like five minutes or so. And he really trains hard for that.

How much training we do, or do we do for a meeting that lasts an hour or an hour and a half? Not much at all.

And so the advantage of a meeting is you're bringing all these different people together, we've got different backgrounds and training and input and so on. And that's also the disadvantage, they all bring their own agendas or their own points of view.

And that's why people have trouble with meetings, because all these different personalities. Whereas if you can get them to work, well, then you're on your way.

And we talk about your intended message. And part of that is communicating well during the meeting, so that you're not going astray all over the place, I do have a definition of a meeting the purpose of a meeting, and people go, you know, what are we doing the weekly meeting updates this and that, and so on.

I have studied this for many years, my definition of the purpose is quite simple. It's to convene stakeholders to make decisions that lead to action,

to convene stakeholders who make decisions that lead to action,

When you have that focus on decisions and action that gives a focus to your meeting. Now, there's a couple of exceptions, safety meetings and daily hubs and so forth. But for the most part, that will make our meetings more efficient.

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Intuition, the secret backdoor communication channel: Sunil Godse

Use Intuitive triggers to persuade and sell more

Why are so many important decisions based on intuition?

Episode 166 (Sunil is based in London, Ontario)

In this conversation with Sunil Godse we explore:

• Why intuition is real and valuable to your decision making
• What does scientific research say about intuition
• How fast does it act and why is it so fast
• How does intuition affect your level of trust with others
• What is the connection with your subconscious
• What signals can you look for
• What are the four types of intuition
• The symptoms -this feels right, my gut, the voice in my head

About our guest Sunil Godse:

Sunil's intuitive branding services helped a struggling $400,000 company earn $3.5 million in just over 2 years.

He is the author of two books, "Gut: What it is. How to trust it. How to use it." and "Fail Fast. Succeed Faster".

Learn about about his intuitive branding services at https://sunilgodse.com/

Buy his books https://sunilgodse.com/books/

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Excerpts from this conversation with Sunil Godse:

All because they finally listen to their intuition and their signals. And that's how it works for every single person.

Sunil I'm hearing that what we initially thought intuition was just your body reactions might actually be or according to what you're saying there is actually something happening in in the brain in the amygdala, accessing our subconscious library of information experiences, conversations.

And it happens quickly, so quickly that we can't quote the here's the source of the information. But we know the answer intuitively, we know the answer. And our body is telling us the answer.

Absolutely, absolutely.

There was a reporter that tested - he couldn't believe that this research paper is saying 33 milliseconds and 1014. That's impossible. He put a number of people in the MRI and an MRI machine showed a picture and the brain lit up when the picture came in within 3333 milliseconds.

He said, we're measuring this look at this thing. And by the time they actually pressed a button 10 to 14 seconds, he goes oh my god, like it's actually he's testing it. Right.

And that's one of the things you want to do is research really good research, there's got to be repeatability factor, right. So and I'm really trying to scrape YouTube to find this because this because I want to deal with this stuff. I can't just start putting these stats out if I if I can't believe the research, because it's very important for my reputation.

But that's essentially what happened. And what happens is even if you fail, that failure goes also into the subconscious because now you're going to learn from that.

So as you continually improve your intuition by by succeeding and failing, that's all going to subconscious.

So failure is an amazing result. If you failed before, fantastic, you should celebrate that because there's lessons in what you've learned from those failures that your intuition is picking up on.

Because it's gonna say don't do that again, steal it, just like the person who got shot and killed. I knew the signals the signals were I need to talk to her she was being stalked by someone and my intuitive signal saying meet with her that afternoon.

But somebody else wanted to go for a beer. I said, Can you meet me two days later, and the very next day that shot that stalker? walked up through and put a bullet through her forehead. I'd never, I'm never going to make that mistake again.

Or the business that was struggling at $400,000. Because of trust, nobody trusted the two CEOs. They didn't want to work for them. They were all the employees were looking to leave.

They were six months cash left in their bank account I came in, because they needed somebody to help them. Very first thing I do is I increase the salaries of everyone, they were being grossly underpaid, there's a cash crunch. But I said, the first thing is I need to build trust. And I need to ask them how to fix the business.

When I gained the employees trust, we were able to stabilise and they actually started helping me expand from the three and a half million year in your two. They're the ones that came up to the they spent extra time putting the procedure manuals and they started putting in, you know, extra time to help expand another location, even though was eight hours away, they wanted to do around by themselves.

So that's where they went from struggling 400,000 to 10 million.

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I dare you, Make me Laugh: June Cline

Let's start by laughing at yourself

Yes you can be funny if you are human

Episode 165 (June is based in Georgia)

In this conversation with June Cline we explore:

• Why use humor in a business presentation
• The risks of using humor and why some speaker avoid it
• How laughter can bring people together and move them towards a goal
• The undiscovered value of our flaws and foibles
• How to find your humor even if you believe you aren't funny
• How to use humor in your presentations
• The four humor styles and why some don't laugh
• You can still be taken seriously

About our guest, June Cline:

A certified, speaking professional showing you how to craft an engagingly powerful speech.

She is an official coach for TEDx St. George, Utah, and known as “The Talking Strategist.”

For 18 years, June has been known as the southern, sassy, and savvy Harley-riding Humorist. She named her motorcycle, "Good Golly Miss Molly".

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Learn how June can work with you at

https://standouttalking.com/

 

Take the humor quiz to determine your humor style at

https://junecline.com/

 

 

Excerpts from this conversation with June Cline:

02:25

I've talked to some executives and they say, Well, you know, we're serious. This is serious business. This is this is trucking, or this is banking, or this is just serious business. We can't be laughing all the time and making jokes. What do you say to them?

02:42

You know what I, I've heard that. And I've gotten major pushback through the many, many years that I've been teaching this. And I just know that's wrong.

And especially if you can come up with what I call an IMO, which executives and everybody hates because it's an idiot moment. But don't we all have them?

Haven't we all experienced locking our keys in the car. And as one client executive found out after we'd call the tow truck and everything his window was down, all they had to do was reach.

So it's just fun stuff like that. And there are some execs and entrepreneurs that will not go there. T

hey just don't want to drop that wall down and allow people in but if you can tell, not a crazy idiot moment, but something that they all happen every day all the time.

So I encourage you to find that IMO idiot moment that will connect you with others.

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What Message are You Telling Yourself? Terry Tucker

Control your Mind so it Doesn't Control You

Imagine Your Life when you practice smarter self-talk 

Episode 164 (Terry is based in Denver, CO)

In this conversation with Terry Tucker we explore:

• The self talk journey when facing horrible circumstances
• How to transition from blame to taking responsibility
• The positive energy from helping others
• How to listen to understand
• Communication lessons from hostage negotiation
• How to say constructive messages to self
• Start a new venture with baby steps
• Where to focus our energy when facing challenging conditions

About our guest, Terry Tucker:

Terry is a former SWAT Team Hostage Negotiator with the Cincinnati Police Department. He has trained with FBI's Hostage Negotiation Team. He's a cancer survivor.  

He is the author of the book, Sustainable Excellence, Ten Principles to Leading Your Uncommon and Extraordinary Life.

Get your copy of his book

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Excerpts from this conversation with Terry Tucker:

And then she looked at me and she said, well, well, Coach, what do you think my purpose is, I said, I have no idea what your purpose is.

But that's what your life should be about finding the reason you were put on the face of this earth, using your unique gifts and talents and living that reason. So that was one conversation.

And then I had a young man reach out to me from college on social media and asked me what I thought were the most important things, he should learn not to just be successful in his job or in business, but to be successful in life.

And you know, George, I didn't, I didn't want to give them that, you know, get up early, work hard, help others kind of not that those aren't important. Those are incredibly important.

And I wanted to see if I could go deeper with them. So I spent some time taking some notes and eventually had these these 10 thoughts, these 10 ideas, these 10 principles. And so I sent them to him. And then I stepped back and I was like, you know, I got a life story that fits underneath that principle, or I know somebody's life emulates this principle.

So literally, I've been battling cancer for 11 years after I had my leg amputated. And before I started chemotherapy, I had a three or four month period where I was healing. I sat down at the computer every day, and I built stories and there were real stories about real people underneath each of the principles. And that's how sustainable excellence came to be.

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Most people think with their fears and their insecurities instead of using their minds.

And I know I've done that in my life, Georgia, and I've been like, Oh, I'd like to do this. Oh, wait a minute, you know, Am I smart enough? Or do I have enough information? Or what will people think about me? If I fail in this endeavor that's thinking with our fears and our insecurities, that's not thinking with our minds.

And I always tell especially when I speak in person to young people always tell him if there's something in your heart, something in your soul that you believe you're supposed to do, but it scares you. Go ahead and do it.

Because at the end of your life, the things you're going to regret are not going to be the things you did, they're going to be those things you didn't do. And by then it's going to be too late to go back and do.

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